At the hairdresser… that’s when it happened. I stared at the mirror and the face that looked back had aged. I took a good, long look at the creases round my eyes and it struck me that many years have passed. Not an awful, awful lot, but enough to make a difference.

It isn’t the physical toll that unsettles me… it’s the realisation that time is beginning to run out. The fact that I turn 39 in a few days scares me more than turning 40. I can’t quite fathom why but perhaps it has to do with it being the last year of the magical threes. I’d rather just hopscotch straight over it into the next phase.

And that led to yet another thought… The things I keep putting off till I have a little more time, or a little more money, or a little less responsibility may not actually happen. So after a little drowning of the sorrows in a delicious, yet wicked black liqueur that I will not be touching for another 20 years, I’ve decided that next year I will do at least one of the things on my bucket list.

So, if you happen to see an almost-40-yr-old woman riding hard and fast on an open road on the back of a beautiful black ninja or if you admire the breathtaking pics I post on FB of my trip to Ireland think of your bucket list and when you plan to tick the items as done:-)

For the first time in over 4 years I desperately needed to smoke. The trigger – deep-seated frustration at the inability to calmly explain to my daughter that she has the potential to do something she believes she cannot. The stress is firmly on the word “calmly”. Very few people know and have seen my very worst side. And yet, the very person – very little person – who shouldn’t see it… does.
The issue was incompleted work brought home for completion. Daughter would have preferred to play with the dogs in the garden rather than write “A message in a bottle”. Reality check young one! Life is a whole lot more than having fun. For the next 15 minutes my 9-year-old had to listen to the ranting of a mad woman. How life is about hard work!! HARD WORK!!! Get that?!! And guess what, it’s about to get harder over the 9 years of school you HAVE LEFT (silently to self – God willing)!
If the neighbours heard – they very kindly did not let on (thank you)! But here’s the hardest part of all… after all the yelling (mine) and all the sobbing (hers) my daughter wrote a wonderfully, imaginative “message in the bottle”.
What can I deduce from this? That she achieved the goal because she was dealing with an unstable mother? Was it fear of getting a jolly good smack if she didn’t? I thought fear was the most debilitating of all emotions and yet in this instance it spurred success. I don’t want to believe that it is the key driver, for my children or for me. And yet, I can’t help but think it is.

Today, the brightest rainbow ever graced our skies. As we got to school a young girl got out of the car in front of us and saw it. “Mom,” she exclaimed, “look at the beautiful rainbow!” Mom, muttered something as she leaned further into the car whilst daughter gazed admiringly at the vibrant colours. “Mom, look!”… to which mom replied “Yes, yes I saw it.” And then she hopped into the car and quickly sped off. She saw it…. but did she see it?!

So many children noticed that rainbow whilst all around them parents briskly got on with the business of the day. There’s something to be said for simply pausing… for a minute, for five to drink in what’s around you. Stop. Look. Smell. See. Hear. Feel. Touch. That’s all… just for a minute… just for five.

Have you ever wondered why you’re attracted to certain building styles, towns or countries? I have this belief that I’m from another age and place. I have this strong affinity to England/Ireland, adore castles, love brick buildings and a few things Victorian. My favourite books are on English and Irish history. Looking at pictures, especially of the landscape, it feels like home! But here’s the catch, I don’t have any English relatives, I’ve only been to England once (and loved it!) and can’t think or find any relevant childhood memory/event to associate with this feeling of “belonging”.

Am I crazy or is this a pretty normal thing to experience. Is it something that I long for because for one or other reason I like what I see or did I spend a past life in either place?

I don’t have specific plans or dreams as I believe in living in the now but I have a plan to visit England and Ireland when I’m 40 (or in my 40s) and spend as much time as I possibly can exploring the countryside. Perhaps therein lies my answer…
Better still have you similar experiences? I’d really love to know!

Right now I’m pretty much ready to wave the white flag. They say parenthood doesn’t come with a “How to” book but I figure they’re wrong (ever wondered who the proverbial “they” are???). That aside, the rules are there it’s whether we choose to follow them or not that makes all the difference…

And here I was thinking I was doing just that. Then along comes an afternoon. Let’s call it Thursday afternoon, when you’ve had a bitch of a week, you’ve survived (as has your daughter) a mammoth set of numeracy Q&As, and you’re just about to start supper when all of a sudden you hear: “Moooooooooom, my sister won’t let me watch her play the Buzz Lightyear game!” And in quick succession little voice no. 2 says…. “But he’s copying me! He KNOWS I hate it when he copies me!!”

At this point all I want to do is roll my eyes, take a good long swig of wine, shape my thumbs and forefingers into a big W and say… whatever! Childish? I know!
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries… what the hell. I don’t know about you but between my two I’ve lost count of the boundaries and the punishment that comes with the inevitable transgression! It just seems to get worse as they grow older, more opinionated, more sure of what they like, want, don’t like, don’t want.

Each day I say to myself “It’s not too late to go back to basics”. But I wonder if it is isn’t. Have I missed the boat? Lost the opportunity to instil some idea of what’s permissable and what isn’t? Did going back to work 5 or so months after my children were born contribute to this? There are a few questions that I don’t have the answers to. Yet, at the same time as I say all of this, I believe deeply that we’ll all get through this. That when my kids are older I can look upon them as their mother and say “you turned out just fine”:-) More than fine in fact… you turned out perfect:-)

It never ceases to amaze me how the mere mention of a car can ignite a conversation in a matter of seconds. Case in point at work today… Fred happened to mention that he popped into Barons for a test drive of the new Golf. He may as well have said free food. The boys descended on him to find out how he experienced the new version, the web was consulted, the pics ooh’d and aah’d over and then the debate as to what colour is best for XYZ car. Of course the dissection of every part of the car was par for the course. The front looks like a Volvo, the back like an Opel!
Verdict… don’t bother to test drive the new Golf 6 other than for a few minutes of driving pleasure. Why? Well if the boys’ conversation was anything to go by… nothing much has changed from the last version to this one and it’ll put you back at least R250K.

Public holiday and the plan to hike up to Elephant’s Eye cave begins to see the light of day. The hike takes about an hour-and-a-half to complete and it’s fairly walker-friendly. No real scrambling up rocks or tunnelling through tiny spaces but be sure to take an extra t-shirt along as you work up quite a sweat.
Elephant’s Eye is situated above Tokai Forest and is so named because the eastern profile of the mountain resembles an elephant. It is said to have been the retreat of a Khoi princess, its former name was PrinsesKasteel (castle of the princess).

The view from the cave is breathtaking and we took our time eating our lunch. At that point you can’t help but wonder what the landscape must have looked like to foreigners. I mean, we could make out the M3, Pollsmoor, Steenberg Estate, Blue Route Mall and – viewed through a good pair of binocs – our homes. Imagining tracts of untamed, untilled and undisturbed land made me realise just what spirit sea-faring adventurers from long ago must have had.

Of course you have! My addiction, if you haven’t guessed by now, is coffee. I don’t need much of it but I do need it everyday.
Old school addictions – in my mind anyway – have been chocolate, alcohol, ciggies, exercise…
I gave up alcohol for Lent (Anglican) along with chocolates and all things good – and bad! Then I had to give up all sorts of things for Greek Orthodox Lent, like any food derived from an animal. My needs/wants were brought into sharp focus during this time. I also realised that humans can do without alot of the luxuries of life.
I can’t say the same for the modern day addiction – for some.
The modern day addiction seems to be messaging… news… communication.
I know some serious twitter addicts, total FB addicts and even a few blog addicts and I’m willing to bet that if you disabled them – technologically speaking – they’d crack.
I didn’t twitter for about a day or two. Haven’t blogged for a little while and had a half-hearted attempt at updating FB. I thought it fine, but then I started feeling a little twinge of guilt. An annoying urge to check for messages. A need to tell the world what was going on in my life! The scary bit is that I’m not so entrenched in all these media to feel addicted… except that, well, the start of it is there! I don’t think I would like to be technologically disabled from my updates. I certainly wouldn’t like my virtual visits to friends all over the world to be curtailed. So if this is how I feel now… how long before I simply can’t switch off? Can you?

Kalk Bay… roughly 08:45… Saturday. My inexperience was marked by an initial chuckle at a friend’s expense. One of the Primi brothers (dubbed such due to their very bright orange overalls) was doing some stretching exercises. The chuckle was aimed at him… I mean, why would one need to stretch if we’re going to be worming our way through narrow caves? Sunday morning provided the answer as I wearily worked my aching body out of bed!

Caving is certainly not for the claustrophobic. Let me put it this way, some people pay a lot of money to re-enact the birthing experience in order to deal with some or other trauma in their lives. With caving, you get to do that for free. Aforementioned Primi brother exclaimed – after one particularly tricky exploration – that that was the tightest hole he’d ever been through!

What struck me most was two things really… one was the lack of life – only a few little cave crickets in most and some beautiful bats in the last – and the sheer, dark silence. Bliss.

If you’re not afraid of small dark places and you’re happy to hike an hour to get to the first cave which happened to be lower Alladin’s Cave, then give it a try. Just be sure to go with someone in the know, like a member of the Caving Society. I’m afraid I can’t remember the names of the all the caves (6 in all) but the last two were White Dome and Boomslang. The latter goes right through the mountain which is absolutely awesome!

The one hour hike back down does put pressure on the knees, but Geriatric’s home-made beer makes it all worth the pain:-)

PS: Leader of the pack showed us some cool geocaches too!

It’s the end of a very hectic week and although I desperately need a little lie-in tomorrow morning (and by that I mean till 8.30 or 9) I have to be up early. Why? Well, some friends of mine are caving enthusiasts and they’ve invited me and my nephew – who’s a very gung-ho 17-year-old – to explore some caves above Kalk Bay.

Not that I’m complaining you understand. My nephew, niece and I are climbing enthusiasts and this is simply another adventure to add to the list. So, we’ve been briefed to pack in some grub, water, energy bars (should I be getting a little worried), a torch – preferrably one that fits on your head, helmet, gloves and good hiking shoes. The latter is not to pack in of course, simply to wear on the day.

We set out tomorrow morning 8am sharp. There’s a 30% chance of showers but I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen. I’ll let you know how it goes with the bats, the buds and the bushwacking!